Have you ever wondered if you are a dipshit, or ever thought why people get skin rashes when you are around? well think no more as I shall provide you with a definitive guide of the symptoms which will put your questions to rest.
You know you are a dipshit when you-
- try your level best not to make noise when you eat your chips(its not possible without looking stupid).
- are out with your friends at a restaurant and you promptly divide the bill right down to paise.
- start writing something with—“dear diary, today I saw him again……..”
- pronounce the name of an italian dish from the menu with an accent at a restaurant.
- tip 5%
- watch f.r.i.e.n.d.s
- don’t watch simpsons,south park or family guy.
- when your life has something to do with the colour pink.
- press the elevator button though you see someone has already pressed it and is waiting right besides you.
- whistle while you take a leak or make annoying relieving noises.
- constantly look at the taxi meter during the whole ride.
- say ‘why don’t you do something about it’ when you hear someone bitching about politics.
- when your idea of love is some sappy romantic movie.
- use the word ‘dude’ too many times in a sentence.
- write sappy poems just so that a few girls can read it and go moist.
- write something philosophical in the ‘about me’ section in your online profile.
- suddenly repeat the same jokes which you said 5 minutes ago when a girl is around.
- have an online name as ‘backstreetboyz156” or “spicegirl69”or/and if you listen to backstreet boys or spice girls.
- say that you have never watched porn.
- walk in the middle of the street.
- surrendered your soul to your girlfriend and only got constant bitching in return.
- say that you have never once looked at a woman’s rack while talking to her.
- are a guy and wear perfume and also know its brand name and fragrance.
- light scented sticks and attend spirit cleansing courses.
- have used the line ‘ I want to give something back to the society’(please,eat shit and die).
- constantly bitch about other people without realizing that nobody gives a shit.
- have a fish for a pet and you name it ‘queeny’.
- check yourself at every reflective surface while walking by the shops.
- forward stupid chain mails which say “ do this or get your dick chopped off”.
- greet each other with “ hi babes…” followed by the paralytic tilt of your head to the side.
- talk to yourself and pretend that you are Clint Eastwood from ‘good bad and ugly’ when you are alone , even worse if you do it infront of a mirror.
- use cheat codes to finish a difficult game.
- are the last one to stand for the national anthem before a movie.
- talk to the computer when it hangs.
- sign into orkut and the first thing you see is the number of profile views yesterday.
- when you play the imaginary air guitar to every ‘slipknot’ song.
- are the kind of person who looks at his handkerchief after he sneezes.(gross!!)
- went to a movie and claimed to have come out a little wiser.(stop learning about life from movies, oh and eat shit and die)
- go out of your way and act modest about everything.(fuck you, everyone can see through your fake bullshit, just stop it)
- constantly bitch about smoking and say ‘smoking causes cancer’.(holyshit, smoking causes cancer!!? we didn’t know that. please, don’t be a nagging “social reformer”)
- are getting pissed off because you just realized you have more than 1 symptom from this list.
I was going to mention a few more but I think these many will be enough to get you all thinking. If you have a symptom from above well all I can say about you is
“If you could spare a penny for a thought you would probably get back change”
and if you don’t have any of the above symptoms(ya right) then do let me know, you just might be tagged awesome in my book.
Oh , ya and by the way for people suffering from more than 1 of these symptoms I think its safe to say that there is no hope, spare us the effort and choke yourself and die, nobody will notice your absence.
