LOOKOUT!!! A FOOTBALL FAN!!

My average day with a fan:-









Anyone who declares himself as a fan of something is surely full of shit and kidding himself, and also watches Will & Grace. A person can like something or at most like it very much, claiming to be a fan is just another attempt to fill their empty lives with bullshit. Oh and ya, watching football doesn’t qualify as a hobby either.

I bet everyone out there has atleast one guy in their group who is a fan of one football club or the other. Fashion to such guys comprises of wearing their jerseys 24/7, whatever be the occasion. There is always a deep burning need to support the "team" by wearing a jersey (surely made in china) to show his solidarity for the people for whom the only image of India at best is of a land of snake charmers,exotic dancers and flying carpets(actually that would rule).But when it comes to supporting the home team in any other sport they will bitch and moan as if there was no tomorrow.The closest most of these guys (especially fat ones) ever come to being good in football is by the use of the keys ‘A’, ‘S’, ‘D”, ‘W’ and a few mouse clicks. They all use the word “WE” when they talk about their team. Like- We could have easily been in the semis if it weren’t for that 90th minute mishap.
We?? Who’s ‘we’ asshole?? Sitting half away across the world doesn’t mean that you are going to go in next to play mid field. Then they will furrow their brows in vague and accuse you of being as someone who doesn’t get the passion. No you asshole, I get the passion alright, I have a television set at home too (unless you got access to some moon rocks while watching it).
Even I like to watch football because it’s a fast game and requires skill and stamina but Man I just can’t imagine how someone could go on and on about a team and then to top it off pick fights with others of their kind over issues like who’s the faster runner of the two or whose success rate is higher. What I am trying to say is – who cares?

The worst is when some player is bought and sold from their team, then my whole day is ruined cos all these soccer geeks will pitch in with their worthless pile of opinions just to make my life that bit shittier.
And invariably each one of them will have one player whom they consider “god”(and call him the same too), and when you say some shit about him he gets all butt hurt as if it’s a personal insult.

They will know each and everything about the team’s history- when did their goalkeeper first change his hairstyle, or which hotel they stayed at , which players prefer the smell of lavender over rose , or whose studs cost the maximum……the list is endless and obviously gay. What’s the difference between them and other normal textbook geeks who fancy star trek? Yet the former will always be popular(not that I am saying the latter should be, they both suck)

I use to have such friends earlier, but now they don’t talk to me anymore cos one day I took all their jerseys and made me a fine umbrella, I lost it during the rains last year.

Branica Counters