THE PERFECT GIRL (extra parts not included)

I consider myself a reasonable man and I don’t demand too much. But as a person I do have some wishes and expectations . so here is a list of things that my girlfriend should do or comply with if she happens to live with me.


* Respect me wholeheartedly.

* Always keep the toilet seat lifted up every morning when I get up to take a leak,then when I am done I will call for her and she can flush.

* Write a 300 word essay appreciating me everyday. If I don’t like it I will snatch the paper, crumble it, set it on fire and then give her a black eye and if I actually happen to like it I might not crumble the paper(though don’t count on it too much)

* Do my laundry and iron my clothes so that I don’t see even a single wrinkle else the black eye is always in store.

* NEVER TOUCH MY CD COLLECTION or do things like arranging it alphabetically . If she even so breathes on them, well lets just say I can take domestic abuse to a whole new level.

* Never look directly at me or make eye contact while receiving instructions. She should stand with her head bowed,arms infront ,palms together,legs together and should ask anything she isn’t clear about in a submissive voice . If I sense the slightest change in the tone of voice,well, I think you get the hint.

* Always be ready with two kinds of dip when I am having my chips. Dipping it for me and feeding me is recommended if you want to earn some brownie points. No wait , I change my mind. It’s compulsory.

* Make sure everyday that the tv remote batteries aren’t weak or dead else the batteries won’t be the only thing that will be dead in my house.

* When my friends visit me she should sit quietly like a lamp in one corner and should be in a state of extreme readiness whenever I summon for her by the clap of my hands(twice). After I am finished instructing her she should quietly step away as if she was never there.

* Cook for me and before serving me she should taste everything to confirm that it tastes awesome. I will then taste it myself and she will patiently wait for my approval. A single twitch on my face due to the taste will result her eating the whole thing together at the same time. But if its good and I continue to eat I will probably let her off the hook,probably.

* Perform a sensuous belly dance/pole dance(brownie points for creativity here) every evening at 7 pm and induce a smile on my face, failure to do so will prompt me to put her in such a state that she might start to envy cripples(this will make me smile too, so up to you to choose.)

* Give me a foot massage. But be extremely careful not to do cute little things like tickle me and giggle with the hope of earning some brownie points. I think we all value our lives.

* Always look presentable. Use make up if you like,but don’t let me find you applying it,it pisses me off. If I am even slightly disgusted by your appearance then lets just say your face will not only be hurting my expectations but also my fist.

* Never disturb me when I am playing video games and especially if I am playing ‘call of duty’. Failure to do so can be punishable by death or quick but firm jabs to your guts, whichever happens first.


Now if she manages to do all this with a smile on her face and with a feeling that she is being blessed I might start to think about a future for us, ummm… may be… I dunno ….something like –dinner the next night, remember ‘might’ is the key word here.


Man, it’s raining so much outside, hmmm.

Neways I think the points are pretty clear and they are not up for discussion. I think noone can resist this much luxury while living with me, atleast I can’t.

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