SCIENTOLOGY-FINALLY A SYNONYM FOR BULLSHIT

The other day i was watching south park where i was reintroduced to the topic of scientology.The moment i heard the name i knew that something terrible had happened and i would have to write a blog about it.I was kicking and screaming but in the end i lost and here i am writing about it.

THE SCIENTOLOGY SYMBOL(its to your left)


The visionary of scientology is L.Ron Hubbard.Hubbard is kinda like that guy who blows his nose loudly in public,and you try to pretend that you didn't hear it but you did which really pisses you off on the inside and gives you the urge to totaly stomp that guys ass to the dirt.He had come up with this theory in 1952 but had been marinating in its shit juices for quite some years even before that.The theory revolves around the "handling of spirit in relation to life".Now according to me there are only a few times when you can write such crap,when you are high on marijuana or when you just finished watching all seasons of 'friends' or when a hippie bites you or when you are actually told to do so at gun point.I wouldn't have frowned upon it if he stopped right there but noo,he went ahead and tried to explain everything in the world with his theory which really pissed me off at many levels simultaneously.Now i will present you some of the common beliefs of this theory

• A person is an immortal spiritual being (termed a thetan) who possesses a mind and a body. haha thetan,it made me giggle.By the way thanx mr hubbard for defining the human body in the lamest possible way,plz do continue.
  

• The thetan has lived through many past lives and will continue to live beyond the death of the body. K firstly the second part of the sentence was not required as it can be deduced from the first part itself.Secondly i am sure i have heard about medical science which actualy have facts supportings their claims.This sentence is a major blow to the nuts of the guys who came up with the structure of DNA and how it works.Although in Hubbards defense he can sell this script to Night Shyamalan.

• Through the Scientology process of "auditing"(which just means listening carefully) people can free themselves of traumatic incidents, ethical transgressions and bad decisions which are said to collectively restrict the person from reaching the state of "Clear" and "Operating Thetan." Each state is said to represent the recovery of native spiritual abilities and to confer mental and physical benefits. meaning-"look how confusing and clever i can be when i use all the big words in the dictionary at the same time while all i do is just try to define the state of a loser who is undergoing the phase of depression."
  

• A person is basically good, but becomes "aberrated" by moments of pain and unconsciousness. I think he is talking about all seasons of "friends" here.

• Psychiatry and psychology are destructive and abusive practices. What this jackass is doing here is subtly contradicting himself with the third point he mentioned above.

• The thetan (spirit) is described in Scientology as having no mass, no wavelength, no energy and no time or location in space except by consideration or postulate. The spirit, then, is not a thing. It is the creator of things. Well that's a smart way to define "nothing".But still it creates things such as trees,water,obsessive drunks,planets and the universe.Well then i gues it's time to shoot down the hubble space telescope since fag hubbard has answered all our questions regarding universe and its origin.Lets all push stephen hawking into a well because his theories based on facts are no longer required as our good friend hubbard here has "alreadybeen there and done that".While we are at it why don't we all take a good picture of einstien and take a leak on it one by one ,may be then Hubbard will be finally able to give himself a pat on his back.
  

• Scientologists subdivide the mind into the analytical or conscious mind, which is "totally accessible to the spirit," and the reactive or subconscious mind, which "unknowingly affects the spirit" and is said to operate "on an irrational, stimulus-response basis." Scientology describes the physical body as "a carbon-oxygen machine" of which the spirit is the engineer. Illnesses and injuries to the body are said to be relieved through the use of "assists." "Carbon oxygen machine"!!oh come on i am sure we all have things other than carbon and oygen,and "of which spirit is the engineer"!!! This sounds like he is trying his level best to teach about anatomy to a bunch of 7 year olds,this is nothing but baby talk.Seriously guys what right does he have to be so stupid.We should all go to his house one day and take his bananas away,cos sometimes this is the only way a chimp learns.
  

• Among these advanced teachings, one theory revealed the story of XENU(sometimes Xemu), introduced as an alien ruler of the "Galactic Confideracy." According to this story, 75 million years ago Xenu brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling 'Douglas Dc-8' airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together, stuck to the bodies of the living and continue to do this today. Hubbard called these clustered spirits "Body Thetans," and advanced-level Scientologists place considerable emphasis on isolating these alien souls and neutralizing their ill effects.(this is not a joke according to scientologists)
  

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...............

TEST YOUR OBSERVATION POWER-

On further reading i found out that this theory has become a cult and as all cults it has become a religion too.Some of the supporters are tom cruise,john travolta,katie holmes and lisa marie presley.Scientologists have also come up with a device called the "E meter" which basically measures how good a thetan you are(its probably a coffee machine with a sticker saying
"E meter" stuck on it)

Based on the theory of scientology i have come up with a simple and elegant theory which the scientologists would approve of about the creation of universe.
Xenu had a daughter called Xena.Xena was crying one day because she wanted tasty cereals for breakfast.But Xenu got her something better,a cereal box with a free prize in it.Xena opened the cereal box and POOF!! here we are today.



How do you like that hubbard,you just got creamed!!!!

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